Friday, November 11, 2011


It's really hard to believe that I haven't crocheted in many months now. Crocheting has always brought joy to my life and as of lately my depression has been at an all time worse. As a result, I don't find joy in crocheting like I used to. It's almost the middle of November and it's been very cold out. I fear that I will never get around to crocheting a cute hat for my daughter to wear this winter and it will result in her wearing the store bought kind. Before, when my daughter would take a nap, I would sit down and crochet. Now I find myself laying in bed when she goes for a nap, possibly even napping myself. I hate feeling this way. I feel like such a big burden on my family. I just don't have the energy to do the things I use to do. Simple every day things have become a struggle but I force myself to keep on going for the sake of my beautiful daughter. I currently see a psychologist and my family doctor for my depression. My doctor acts like I'm making all this up about how I feel and my psychologist... well he has not seemed to help one bit. It would be great to be able to find a doctor that would take me seriously and a psychologist who could actually help me overcome this struggle with depression but unfortunately, medical assistance will only allow me to see who I'm seeing in my area.

Would I say that I hate my life? No, I wouldn't, but there are definitely some things that I wish I could change. I love being a mother and I love my daughter more then anything in this world. Do I wish I could die? Not at all... death is my number one fear in this world. I remain optimistic that one day my ship will sail in, even if I have to swim out to it, and my daughter and I will live happily every after. There's always a rainbow after a storm... and in my case, hopefully an adorable crocheted hat for my daughter.


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